Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
