On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
