Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm both gender and math confused
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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