The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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