I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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