ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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