rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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