hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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