Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
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He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
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I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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