Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
