arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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