your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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