I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Come on in and take your pants off
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