Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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