I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
