i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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