I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
