I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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