Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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