Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
