Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
