Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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