You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
