okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
