Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
