I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
