well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
