my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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