she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All I want is dick and wine.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
