i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
