I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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