i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
