Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
