how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize