Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
