Sry I called you an 8
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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