guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
