Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
