Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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