the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
