also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
