just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
