I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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