I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
