Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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