We're like a lot better than the average bears
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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