having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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