I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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