I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
