Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
