well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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