I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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