You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The best revenge is premature balding
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
