No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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