you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
