dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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