somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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