I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
