carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
