He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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