did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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