I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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