Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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