also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
