So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
