We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
