p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
