just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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