We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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